CYCLE OF VIOLENCE

Domestic violence usually follows a cycle which starts off in the honeymoon phase where both partners are happy and loving towards each other. 

The tension or build up phase can be signified by the abuser becoming finicky or picky about everything that the other person does this usually makes the other person feel like they are walking on egg shells.  Some other warning signs are criticising, yelling, using verbal insults, making threats or demanding more from the other person, i.e. like more respect or more attention in the relationship.  Nothing the other partner does, and no matter how hard they have tried, they cannot please the abuser. The problem comes from the persons beliefs about their right to control their partner.

The tension gradually leads to the explosion, the explosion may be brief or it may continue for long periods of time.  The explosion might be anything from screaming verbal abuse or even go as far as physical violence, damaging possessions or even hurting family pets.  The explosion phase does not necessarily involve physical abuse, but is usually an escalation of abuse, sometimes resulting in new forms of control and manipulation being introduced.

To gain the trust back into the relationship the abuser generally goes back into the honeymoon phase offering gifts, promising to change, making excuses, blaming the other person or finding other ways to coerce the other person to stay in the relationship. 

In the middle of the cycle of violence diagram is Love Hope Fear.   Love, hope and fear are just some of the reasons why people stay in the cycle of violence.  The person experiencing the abuse often still loves the person but not their behaviour, they believe in the possibility of hope that the person may change or things will go back to how they used to be at the beginning. In some circumstances they can be fearful of leaving because of threats that have been made.  

Often the abusive partner tells them that they will never do it again, that it is the last time. They may also tell them that it is their fault that the abuse happened.  The person may also lack confidence about their self worth as they may have experienced emotionally abusive put downs about themselves and over time believed them to be true.   

For more information about Domestic Violence

Help a Friend

If a close friend or someone you know is involved in a Domestic Violence relationship there are some things that you can do to help. Learning about the cycle of violence can assist you to understand what your friend is going through. 

Helping a friend may require you to:

• Give useful phone numbers such as the Police and counselling 

• Validate the person’s experience as serious

• Be an emergency contact person

• Non judgemental 

• A good listener

• Encouraging

• Supportive

• Respectful

• Patient

Safety Plan

• Having a safety plan is important - here are some tips for creating a safety plan. 

• Have your most important things packed or stored away somewhere safe for an emergency exit, include things money, phone numbers, important personal documents and some clothing.

• Tell someone you can trust that you are thinking about leaving the relationship so that they can help you.

• If possible set up an emergency accommodation option such as with family or friends. 

• Ring up the Domestic Violence Helpline (1300 800 098) and talk through your safety plan with a support worker – or phone the Kids Helpline (1800 551 800) - you don’t have to give your name over the phone! 

• Try and cut off communication with the abuser (mobile phone calls, text messages, emails or requests to meet up and talk).  In some cases it is safer to change your phone number.

• Stay with people who are protective of you or somewhere safe where you cannot be found. 

• In some cases you may need police assistance (131444).  

http://www.sapolice.sa.gov.au/sapol/safety_security/domestic_violence.jsp

http://www.courts.sa.gov.au/courts/magistrates/restraining_orders.pdf

To return to the start of information on Domestic Violence